Fishing

It was the most universally deplored and the most universally engaged in practice among the girls in elementary school, the subtle put down of yourself, knowing your friends would rush in with denials (except of course when they didn’t, the dull silence a painful one, only marginally better than being called (contemptuously or pityingly or both) on it: “You’re fishing, that is so sad.”) And this fourth grade equivalent of “This old thing?” was a toeing of a fine line between confidence (knowing your friends would rush in the denial) and self-deprecation, the insecurity wearing a mask of security, disguising itself as insecurity. There was no greater social sin than “stuck-up” and yet, it was the confident girls who...

Read More
Posted by Mara Collins on Jan 6, 2009 | 9 comments

Tenderness for a Sleeping Stranger

The last two years we have taken the few days around Christmas when everything is shut down and gone up to the San Juans and rented a house for a few days enjoying the chance to spend time together and see something that isn’t Portland. This year mostly because of the snow we ended up staying home instead (and we did spend plenty of time together) but thinking it would be fun to get out of Portland at least temporarily, we bought tickets on the train to go to Seattle and back yesterday, New Year’s Day, leaving around 8 in the morning, getting there at noon, planning to do lunch and a museum then catch the 5 o’clock train home, getting back to Portland at 9. Insomnia and the sounds of other people’s New Year’s Eve Revelry kept me from...

Read More
Posted by Mara Collins on Jan 3, 2009 | 3 comments

Betting Against Pascal

Friday night I was really grateful that some friends who are moving to Portland, new friends I am really excited about getting to see more often, who are renting a house here for the winter break, were willing to brave Portland’s icy roads and snow-inexperienced drivers to come have dinner with me and the boys. Because we talked about real estate and the state of schools one idea that came up a few times was that of the abundance. It’s so easy when trying to buy or sell a house to start believing in a scarcity, in there being exactly one right house/buyer for you and lots of competition for that same house/buyer. The anxiety is echoed for me in the way a lot of people get worked up about their children’s education (if they don’t succeed at...

Read More
Posted by Mara Collins on Dec 21, 2008 | 6 comments