But I’m laughing (silently, it’s 5 am) at this interpretation, too; because I myself am, what was it, one of those who “will read into others’ behavior much bigger meaning than was intended.” So now I think it’s funny that *I* thought it was funny to say, I’m all about the blaming. When, actually, at the time, I TOTALLY WAS.

Seth and I were only a year apart, so there was plenty of tension there over all sorts of things, both because of age and different personalities. Raven being 5 years younger than I am and 4 years younger than Seth, he was a bit more able to move in his own orbit, deal with our parents more directly, and so forth. From my vantage point it always looked like Raven had a great position (for awhile I went through a phase of being angry not to have red hair, partly because that made Raven so unique, partly because my favorite athlete back then, Dave Cowens of the Boston Celtics, had red hair; and then my first “girlfriend” at age 11, Anne Marie Rogers, also had bright red hair).

Since Raven was such a witty and delightful character as a child, I think he escaped any serious envy over his role as the cute newcomer. (Did you ever hear about the time he asked our mom: “Who is the king of the lemons and limes?” when he had a fever? Unforgettable.) However, there must have been frustrations associated with that position as well, and your post makes me think about that more than before. Naturally we’re all usually focused on the disadvantages of our own position, which in my case as the first-born of extremely young parents (21 and 19 when I was born) made me feel like I took the brunt of whatever cold discipline there was.

I think that the ability to do what you described with your own kids is truly incredible. I have a hard enough time not assigning blame when I’m teaching a bunch of other people’s kids at the co-op! One day (when I was co-oping and not teaching) Georgia got into a total cat fight with her friend Hannah over the markers they were using. Their teacher, Kyna, calmly removed the markers and helped the girls find a solution that worked for both of them. I remember being kind of stunned at the realization that it was really important to me to figure out who had started it. I wanted to assign some blame, damn it! It really hit me for the first time how I much I was caught up in the blame game with my own kids, and it was astounding to see how well Kyna’s simple approach of looking for a solution worked. I felt like such a dope. I guess that’s why I love the co-op so much, though – it’s such a great classroom for those of us who need remedial parenting skills.

So kudos to you for being able to have the insight and the patience and the compassion to get in there with the boys and find a solution. You’re amazing!

I want to say a lot of things. Lots of them. LOTS.

But I confine myself to: It misses it. It looks at its blue-and-wine pastel/collage and it sighs. Then it logs on to Blackboard and enters grades.