Sorry I disappointed you…

Regardless of my determination to disregard my blog stats, I do find the search terms entertaining, like these from the last twenty-four hours:

hallmark breaking up cards 2
hire a potty rainer 1
pleasing my husband 1
chutes and ladders 1
glossy magazines are good for kids 1

and I can only imagine how disappointed these searchers must have been, because what I have to offer in any of those areas is so… limited. If, on the other hand, you want advice on firing your violin teacher, I’m your woman.

Posted by Mara Collins on Aug 23, 2007 | 5 comments

5 Comments

  1. unreliable narrator
    Aug 24, 2007

    The third and fifth ones are particularly apt…I laughed out loud when I got to “pleasing my husband.” It’s like my faithful constants, “snorting abilify” and “edna krabapple porn” (and now I have bestowed these darlings upon YOU!)…so how *is* it going, post-control-freaky violin teacher? (I just struggled with those hyphens for way too long…and still don’t think I got them right!) And now, menstrual, I slither back into bed–thank GOD it’s not a teaching day, because I can chain-swallow Tylenol and finish HP6! It’s dark days for the Wizarding community, which Rowling choses to demonstrate by…having all the shops be closed. Which I guess for a Briton is about as bad as they can imagine; kind of a recapitulation of the Blitz?

  2. Mara Collins
    Aug 25, 2007

    Life without any control freaks (besides me!) is good… we’re in this relaxed exhalation before the sharp intake of breath of facing down target with school supply lists in hand, wondering what substitutions we could make without really annoying teachers (surely sandwich-sized ziplock baggies serve as many functions in academia as gallon sized ones, right? when did ziplock baggies become educational anyway?) as we invariably put off school supply shopping until the last minute when all of the packages of pink rubber erasers are gone (do they HAVE to be pink?) and I wish it were like going to Diagon Alley, I do, but it’s Target and it’s not.

    Music lessons for all of the kids don’t resume until the first week of school, so practicing has gotten a little relaxed (“you remember which hand the bow goes in, right, honey?”) and I’ve resisted the urge to make them all acquire second languages, memorize constellations and world capitals, go on long hikes to learn plant identification, capitalize on their interest in Greek mythology by making them learn ancient Greek… Mostly we’re reading and trying to turn off the video games before they become permanently totally glazed looking.

    Actually, there are days when it all seems balanced, they’re pursuing things they’re interested, building things with wood and legos and clay and we walk to the library and were reading aloud and it’s fun and I feel like we’re just getting good at this and I hate to send them back to school at all, I COULD homeschool, I really could. And these days are invariably followed by days when everyone feels compelled to express themselves with maximum volume and the first day of school cannot come soon enough.

  3. Mara Collins
    Sep 7, 2007

    Snorting Abilify worked! I got one! Ha. But no Krabapple Porn yet — and here are my new and interesting ones… Search Views
    “and, and, and” literary devices 1
    Envy Vs. Pride in catchy slogan 1
    And the wretched “hypographia”. Sigh.

  4. Gregory Pleshaw
    Sep 25, 2007

    I honestly cannot believe that “snorting Abilify” brought me to you, dear. I suppose I’m now gonna have to give it a try. (I just got a ‘script for it this morning.)

    Check this out, found in the same search: “One pharmacological treatment currently being studied is Abilify (aripiprazole), approved for the treatment of schizophrenia. Abilify may reduce crystal meth cravings among individuals who are dependent on it.”

    - from Crystal Clear

    If it stops crystal meth cravings, one might assume that it has some “focusing” powers…I can’t imagine “snorting” it would change the efficacy of eating it, however, and all I know is that it stops the Wild Mood Swings that got me put on this drug in the first place…

    Great to see you…
    gregoryp(tm)

  5. bizarro
    Nov 2, 2007

    how bizarre. I was looking for what to do with the rest of my script of Abilify from last year and I see this. At a Halloween party last Saturday I ended up taking home Edna in full costume (probably the only one in the USA).

    Gotta love google …

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