“A Thousand Yesterdays Ago, I Was a Baby”
August 21st, 2003
child.
because it would create a middle child. It’s certainly a different dynamic from
two — especially as Søren’s personality is coming into play. And I’m
less worried about Xander than I might be for any other middle child. He seems
able to stand up for himself or find the best aspect of any situation; when,
for example, someone who is six and ever-so-worldly is making him feel small and
young, he responds, “At least I’ll live longer” or, more likely “yeah, but
you’re gonna die first.” And shortly after Søren was born we were
informed he could be referred to as “handsome” or “cool” but never “cute” which
should be reserved for describing
babies.
You ask any parent to
characterize their child or a situation in their house and it’s likely you’ll
get part of the truth. And so I cling to the notion that the transition from
family of four to family of five was much easier than any previous transition,
one to two, two to three, or three to four, but I have to admit that the burden
of this transition was on Xander, the only one who really lost any status. And
we emphasized how cool it was to be the only person to know what it is to be the
big brother and the little brother, and relished his relative self-sufficiency,
his understanding of how to be gentle with the baby. And it seems to have knit
a tight bond between him and Aodán who occupy their own world when I am
drowning in baby care. I still see that it irritates him when total strangers
come up to say how cute the baby is — I feel trapped between basking in it and
being irritated for him.
I am most
proud of Xander for finding what he needed to articulate some of his feelings.
I’d checked out a library book about a girl who needed glasses. She is a middle
child, with noisy and boisterous siblings all around her, but she is quiet and
good and sometimes people don’t notice she’s there, and it takes her parents a
while to realize that she needs glasses. Xander picked this book to read night
after night, and then, one evening when I was out walking with the three boys,
Aodán regaling me with all of the hijinks of that rascally cat, Garfield
(seriously, the boy hardly took a breath to keep talking for six blocks or so!)
and me making faces at the tired baby in the stroller to keep him happy, Xander
gave my hand a little tug. Stopping to listen to him, I heard “Sometimes you
don’t realize I’m there, right Mom?” Whereupon, Aodán was charged with
pushing the stroller while Xander got a piggy back ride
home.
We’re enjoying these two weeks
when Aodán has school and Xander doesn’t. I only cheat a little to make
sure the Candyland game doesn’t go on forever and forever (there is nothing like
getting that sugarplum card when you’re in the final loop towards the candy
castle). We’re capable of sustained attention to art projects that are
impossible to make happen when I have all three kids with me for some reason. I
can even put on the Starlight Express c.d. and allow races all over the house.
Xander may have moments of feeling invisible, but hopefully he’ll be able to let
me know and we’ll keep finding ways to work on it.
