The Best Aunt in the Universe
August 18th, 2003
best.
Aodán is counting the passengers off the plane, all of our noses are
pressed against the glass separating the waiting area from the gate area of the
secure DFW airport. I don’t know which of us is most excited. I’m a bit
worried my sister’s ability to work them up to a frenzy of hyper silliness, but
somehow she never goes too far… she can tease them just as much as they can
take and they adore her. She is fun but she also is excellent at setting
boundaries, and it’s amazing to see my kids be silly without turning into total
savages . She tolerates no unkindness from one to the other and she very
gracefully supports my authority — a subtle quality in a relative, not to be
underrated. She diplomatically marvels at them to me, and so long as she has no
children of her own she can make me believe that my kids are the most amazing
creatures on earth, and I will lap it
up.
My relationship with her is perhaps
a little more complicated. We’re sisters. We compete. We idolize each other,
disappoint each other, remain friends. I am very much out-of-proportion proud of
her, as a performer, teacher, communicator — I am amazed at how good she is at
what she does, how passionate about it she is. And she understands things about
me that no one else does and believes in me as no one else does, and has found
in aunt-hood a place for earnestly advocating for her beloved nephews, which
might sound like criticism from somebody else. The closer you are to somebody,
the more ambiguous the area of things you can’t say to them is… I think
there’s this media lie of the relationship where you can tell someone everything
you think, but from someone you love a glance of reproach is sting enough. And
so often in long phone calls my job is just to listen and reflect back to her
what she’s saying with me so she can see it outside of herself “It sounds like
you’re not very happy at this job…” and not to tell her what to do or how to
do it.
Before Xander was born I had
high blood pressure and the doctor sent me to bed for three months. This was
especially painful because Aodán was an active two-year-old who had been
the center of my life since he was born. We’d just moved to Austin and had no
support network at all. I think that this may have been the most scared and
helpless I have ever felt, and Lisa provided us with the amazing gift of moving
to Austin and staying with us and caring for Aodán. I can’t imagine how
difficult it must have been, she respected the integrity of our small family,
being sensitive to my fear of losing all control, putting her life on hold for
four months, and recognizing when I didn’t need her any more and moving back
home. The magnitude of what she did for us blows me away and I will always be
overwhelmed by how much I owe her.
